ON THE OUTSIDE MY LIFE LOOKED NOT TOO BAD. I was a university
student, living separately from my parents in the apartment that they gave me
as a gift, not burdened with thoughts of where to get money for food and clothing
because my parents took complete care of me. I was a part of a small group that
didn’t differ from all the other “normal” students as far as how we spend our
time: parties, alcohol, experimenting with drugs. At the same time I couldn’t
care less for my studies, I felt so lonely in my empty apartment. I was sick
and tired of things false, based only on a pretentious relationship with my
boyfriend and my other friends, but I was scared to forsake them for fear of
being left totally alone.
TRYING TO ESCAPE THIS DEPRESSION THAT WAS SUCKING ME DEEPER AND DEEPER INTO BLACK DESPAIR and escape this emptiness inside, I dropped out of university, cut all the ties that bound me and moved to another city – decided to start life from a new, clean page. But it didn’t quite work out. The city was different, but I was the same. And my problem was myself. I was constantly trying to escape, not realizing that running away from yourself doesn’t work. I was trying to fill the emptiness inside. I had no feelings -- I didn’t love anybody, I didn’t hate anybody. I thought, "this can’t be normal" and tried to produce at least the appearance of being sociable. But, inside my heart was ice and stone. I thought that I’m just modern, not emotional, kind of a cool young lady. Until one day I realized – I’m simply dead inside.
FINALLY MY ENDLESS SEARCH BROUGHT ME TO DRUG ADDICTION. Heroin wasn’t the answer, but I could not quit. I had no future. My present was horrible. When I looked back, I saw that I didn't even have a decent past. I had nothing. I only had a dream – to die. I DECIDED TO COMMIT SUICIDE. But since it would be a shock for my parents I decided to somehow prepare them. So I told them that I was shooting heroin and didn’t see any reason to live. I felt that nobody needed me and my rejection was so strong that I was sure my parents would put up with the thought of my death and would accept it. I didn’t expect the kind of reaction from my parents that followed. They were determined to save me. Detached from reality I watched their attempts. I didn’t really care. Numerous decisions were being made and canceled regarding a place or a clinic for treatment, people that could help in any way…
By a miracle my Mom and I came to St. Petersburg (from far-away northern Siberia). Now I know that God Himself provided for us. I came to a rehabilitation center for an interview, to people who could help, but not only did I meet the people, I met Him! The guys I met told me about Jesus. It touched my heart. I had a feeling that this was what I’d been looking for all along, something different, and something real. Of course I didn’t understand the importance of what was happening and probably first of all only saw a way out of my ugly situation. I was really touched by the verse from the Bible that said there is a future and my hope is not all gone.
HOPE WAS BORN IN MY HEART. Then I realized that Jesus is not only the way out, He is life. I had an understanding of it in my mind, but not in my heart. Something was hindering me from making a decision, falling on my knees before Him, really humbling myself before the Father. I started to ask for proof. I wanted proof– and got it. The proof was two medical documents: one saying that THE RESULTS OF MY BLOOD TEST SHOWS THAT I HAVE HIV, and the other, (after receiving Jesus, getting delivered from heroin, and receiving prayer for healing of HIV) which stated that I don't have HIV any more! That was more than enough. I saw the mercy of God on my life. His love to me was more than I could imagine. He gave me freedom from drugs, He gave me healing, He gave me new life. I will never be able to thank Him enough for everything that He has done in my life, and for everything that He keeps doing. Only God gave me real joy. The joy that filled up my heart and pours out all around. I USED TO THINK THAT JOY IS SOMETHING THAT YOU NEED TO POUR INTO YOURSELF, SNIFF OR INJECT. I did not know that real joy on the contrary comes from within. And only God can give it. When I turned to God, I got born again. I BECAME DIFFERENT, my heart changed. God has promised to give a living heart instead of a stony one and He fulfilled His promise. I feel that now I am alive, I can love.
If you do not know Jesus as your personal Savior yet, if you did not repent of your sins and aren’t reconciled to God, you need to do it. I’m not talking about a new hobby here. It’s a matter of your life and death. It doesn’t matter in what way, every sin kills. AND YOUR DECISION determines where you will spend eternity. It doesn’t matter how old you are. No one knows when your life will end. Look around! What is happening in the lives of your friends, how many of them are already gone??? Or they are still alive but already doomed: drugs, sicknesses, depression. If you live in these things, there is God who can save you, if you don’t live in these things – you need salvation not any less. No one is trying to teach you how to live, nor tell you about the harm of drugs. You can lead the “right”, healthy way of life and end up in hell.
WAKE UP!!!! There is Somebody Who is very serious about you and your destiny. There is someone who really cares for you. There is a living God, for whom nothing is impossible, and He is the One Who gave His only Son, Jesus Christ to die so that you could live. Jesus Christ, the Son of God almost 2000 years ago came to this earth and by His death on the cross paid for the sins of all mankind. On the same cross He took our sicknesses. Jesus was wounded and because of His wounds we can now receive healing. Repentance is not just praying a prayer, it’s turning from the old life of sin to the new life with God. To receive Salvation you need to turn to God:
Repentance is just the beginning. Salvation is a process (a way). And every day you choose: to live this day with God or on your own. Jesus said: I am The Way. And only by having a close relationship with Him can you walk this through. There are several things that are vitally important for you: prayer, Bible reading (start with the New Testament), fellowship with other believers. Tell others about Jesus and what He has done for you. There is a purpose for which you were created, there are gifts that God put inside of you and a destiny for your life. As you fellowship with God through prayer and the Bible, He will reveal Himself to you and reveal His will for your life.
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